2012, a year that changed my life

If you were asking me “Where do you think you will be next year?” on the 31^st December, 2011, I’d have probably answered you “At home”. If you were asking me the same question just one day after, January 1^st, 2012, I’d have probably answered “Belgrade, Serbia”. It took me 8 months and loads of adventures, pains, joys, to start giving a chance to answer that question with something like “New Zealand”. 8 months that completely changed my life, as a plain, straight road that abruptly turns towards somewhere undefined, unmarked. And to me, that turn has a precise date: August 30^th. I’m going to tell you why.

On January 1^st, 2011, I was cheering for fireworks in S.Marco square, Venice, with the usual, huge crowd that every new year’s eve packs the place. Nice place to spend the night – yep, maybe with your girlfriend, not with my friend Fabio “Gretto” and a couple others! Anyway, I remember I was looking for a sign. I was already tempted by quitting my job, leaving all my family and friends and get the hell out of here. In those exciting, confused moments I took a brief time for myself and prayed to be blessed with a sign, a powerful one, a sign that could show me my way. I was very confused. But on your life’s path, sometimes things happen so incredibly wildly, so unexpectedly you may got wired. I asked for a sign, and it came with long, black hairs and a stare that burnt me. Her name was Dejana, and she was from Serbia. I got to know her not by my own fault, but that’s how it goes sometimes. And yes, that same night – January 1^st, 2012 – after recovering from all of the partying, after driving to a deserted and ass-freezing Jesolo, while I was walking with her in town, I realized that my way was not about backpacking and travelling and exploring. It was sweeter, though not that close. I just got that I was not going to leave, except to Belgrade. And that’s how it went.

I had never been to Serbia before, and never desired to, to be honest. Flights are expensive, driving pretty much the same, and there’s nothing to see and do. Especially for me – a nature’s lover. But, there was her, and that was enough. I planned my holidays from work to try to see her as frequently as possible, and I even deleted my “short-trip”. Just saved my beloved USA. And on February, during the worst winter snowstorm that Europe remembered within the past 50 years, I left Venice direction Belgrade. I arrived as Rocky Balboa arrived in Russia in Rocky IV, in a snow-covered airport, blown by severe winds, different faces, a never heard language. I was in a new world, as far as I was concerned. I stayed in a 4star hotel in Belgrade’s center just to meet her for a total of 5 hours in 4 days. I had to walk on sidewalks with a meter of snow on the road side. I freezed my ass and not only that moving around – people in heavy winter jackets, me in a fancy light one, jeans and shirt. We have a saying that my mom uses to remind me quite a few times, which is something like “To appear you have to suffer”. I have never cursed it that much. But it was fine. One of those days I even called a taxi in the middle of a snowstorm, to be driven 100 kms round trip to where she used to work, just to stay with her 15 minutes, time to wait for the bus and get home. If that’s not foolishness, it’s very shy of it. She’s been impressed by that, though. Her friends – more rational – just said “He’s crazy”.

Next time we met was in April. The weather was awesome, I was as happy as a child on Christmas. This time I drove my car – 2200 kms in 2 days and a half. Not a bad daily average, uh?! I drove to her workplace, picked her up, and got back to Belgrade. She seemed to me as one of the cutest girls I’ve ever seen. Damn hot, finely dressed. I was pretty well dressed as well, and while we walked around Belgrade, it seemed like we were a kind of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. I was definitely in a dream, and I had my reasons for that. We rented a small apartment for a couple nights. We had a wonderful first one. Then, her roster changed and she had to come back to work. While I was driving her back to her village – 60 kms from Belgrade city – I was feeling so sad. I kinda knew I was not going to see her anymore, while I kissed her for one last time before to greet. And, when I ended the saddest drive of my life, and I got home, I started to cry. I simply couldn’t stop. I was staring at the places we’ve been together: where we dined together, we watched the TV together, we slept together. Deep into myself, I already knew that was the last time I saw her beautiful, though liar, face.

And that’s how it went.

After that truly disappointing love-story, disappointing probably more because of the lies that she assembled beneath it all than the real ending of the story, it came the time for me to head to the USA, again. Right thing at the right time, I was absolutely trying to recover and forget. As always happen, you have to stay away from what you use to do, who you use to see, to forget. Back in the USA, the NorthWest this time, I had my share of experiences to balance the disappointment, the sadness, to help my heart to heal. For instance, being 15 meters from a grizzly bear, or walking onto a frozen lake (it was June!) during a snowstorm, or escaping the ugly US weather to soak myself into a fantastic lake in Osoyoos, British Columbia. Once I got back home, I was aware that my road, once again, should have been that one. I should have hit the road back soon, the road and the trail as well. I was just in need of a serious push, something that could motivate me enough to take the final step.

Probably it wasn’t that, but the small trip to Eastern Europe I took with a friend on late August, pushed me a little bit either. We’ve been to Wien, Bratislava, Budapest and Belgrade in 5 nights. Another 2200 km more or less. Any kind of nature or wildlife in here, but heaps of fun, partying and people. Well, another nice experience, anything unforgettable, but a lot of fun, good company, and that’s it. It’s like that stuff of a drop that doesn’t make an ocean. But, drop by drop..

At home, I realized I had so many reasons to leave behind me, that was honestly not possible to ignore them. The very first one – so obvious – was her. I mean, I forgot about her. Lie after lie, I felt so bad because of her because I eventually tried to believe her. But she made it up, till a certain point at least. It ended so abruptly I couldn’t believe it. And, at the very end of it all, what I told myself, what I was sure of, was that I was not ready to suffer something like that anytime soon. I don’t want to be in a relationship soon. It could hurt, too much. I have no girlfriend then. So, why shouldn’t I stay? For which ties? I better have to go, that’s it.

Another reason, of course, was my job. I got sick of it. It was driving me mad. I was waking up in the morning cursing for what I was going to do and starting to count the minutes that were separating me from signing off. It was the same damned routine every damned day. I was getting grumpy. With everybody, for whatever reason. I was not happy, everything seemed so boring, everything but my travels. I was living and working just to get to my next travel. But that’s not life. I knew that, it was spoiling my own living. I am a sunny, crazy, outgoing guy, I’m not grumpy. I’m not a lone wolf. Simply my work was changing me in a way I hated. Realized that, I was ready to quit.

One third reason anyway, were the travels themselves. I want to travel, and even if my work allowed me something like a month of paid vacations (luxury, compared, say, to North American standards), that was not enough to me. I couldn’t take a breath, dive for 11 months, then breathe for 1 month of travelling. That’s not possible. I had to feel really free, I had to jump, to take off. I collected my shit, I was just waiting for the last push.

Turned out that what I was waiting for was just a brief talk to myself. I remember that night. It was August, the 29^th. I was pretty much convinced that the day after I’d have quitted my bank job. But I wanted to be honest with myself, first of all. What I said was basically: If you guy are going to keep your job, you’re going to commit suicide as well, in 2 months. Instead, if you quit it now, and look for another one here in Italy, you’re going to commit suicide almost immediately. So, no way to stay here, at least for job-related issues. Plus, you guy don’t have a hell of a girlfriend that could tie you here, right? And aren’t you addicted to travelling then?! So. What’s the reason to stay?

Within 2 minutes of talking on my mind, I demolished every possible obstacle to my departure. I finally got it.

In 3 months, from that August 30^th to October 21^st, the day I left, my life totally changed. From being a young bank employee in small town Cadoneghe, Padova, to being a backpacker aiming to travel the world for quite a while. Not bad uh? I started to plan routes, to study economical sustainability of my plans. Then I left. Of course I remember every minute of that day. I just don’t want to bring back to my mind those very moments of my departure. Even the tougher of the men would be piped down by that – the moment when you realize you’re leaving behind you all of your life. Your family, your friends, all the people you know, your hometown, even your material things. Your car, your home, most of your clothes, your books. Now, it’s behind you. In a couple days, they all will be far away from you, unreachable for a long time. That shocked me.

Well, today is December 31^st, and I’m still here looking back at my own’s year. What a bunch of adventures I’ve had. And that’s not over yet: just here in New Zealand, I’ve been caving, abseiling, skydiving, hiking Great Walks or mountaintops or whatever for 250 kms, swimming in mountain lakes, in awesome oceans, sunbathing in sandy beaches, couchsurfing, hitchhiking. I got a job in one of the world’s best luxury lodges. And, last but not least, I found a very special person. Compared to the first one you read, well.. no, there’s no comparison. Her eyes just stole my heart.

Isn’t it enough?! Well, probably not – even though it’s a lot! – but that’s just the beginning!

However, to end this year properly, an year that I’ll keep highly regarded in my heart forever, as the year that changed my life, I want to say thanks to my Lord.

I thank Him for the huge bravery that He gave me. For the signs He gave me. For all of the people I met along my road – especially for those who never, never brought me down saying “No, you mustn’t leave”. I thank Him for all the smiles, the fun, the talks. Thanks for my luck – sometimes it’s part of it. I thank my Lord because when I wake up, every day, I see that there’s at least one thing out there for which is worth to live. Thanks because I feel like that while a lot of people don’t smile anymore, and don’t want to live no more either. I thank Him because now I feel my real self, without compromises, without limits. I finally thank Him, over all, because he illuminated my way with bright blonde hairs and two beautifully blue eyes. I pray Him, to let my way cross hers again, for longer.

And to all of you guys, I just wish an year full of responsibility. Yep, I guess that’s the word. Take your steps, take the decisions you have to take. Don’t hide yourselves behind masks, don’t create yourselves excuses. Be responsible, be brave. You deserve it. And it will turn out to be just an advantage for you. Fight to be your real self.

Happy New Year,

Manu